The Brut 33 Dispatch — The Deodorant Doctrine

It wer t’ back end o’ March, and Frank, noticing the sudden shift in the weather, pushed open the kitchen back door with a rare bit of optimism. "It’s reyt nice out," he exclaimed, breathing in the spring air. But as if by a twist o’ fate, the pig wagon from up t’ road wer just rumbling past the gate. A thick, unmistakable wave of the countryside’s least favorite aroma wafted into the kitchen.

Ernest didn't even look up from his Bible. "It reeks o’ pig muck in ‘ere! Put wood in t’hole!" he replied hastily, waving a hand toward the door.

Frank shut the door, but he had that look in his eye. He’d had one of his light bulb moments. "Get thi head round this," he said to Ernest. "Dost tha mind t’ old ad? Wi’ our ‘Enry and 'splash it all ower'?"

And so, the Deodorant Doctrine was born.

Part One — Frank on "Splashing it all ower"

Frank remembers the icons—Henry Cooper and Kevin Keegan—telling a generation of men that no matter how much they’d been sweating, a quick splash of the "essence of man" would make them presentable again. "Splash it all ower" wasn’t just a catchphrase; it was a promise that you could mask the reality of the locker room with six ounces of green liquid.

Frank notes that in the church, this has become the preferred method of crisis management. What he saw in the recent Bethel leadership apologies felt like a heavy-handed splash of spiritual Brut. When a leader says, "I was too generous, and it was my undoing," they are splashing the scent of "virtue" over the "pig muck" of systemic failure.

"Tha can't just splash a bit o’ fragrance on a pig wagon and call it a flower show," Frank muttered. Eventually, the Brut evaporates, and the original scent remains.

Part Two — Ernest on "Cheap Grace" and the Global Supply Chain

Ernest believes Frank’s "Our ‘Enry" metaphor is actually a perfect summary of Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s critique of Cheap Grace. Bonhoeffer, writing in 1937, saw a church that wanted the "scent" of Christianity without the "sacrifice" of Christ.

The Global Supply of Spiritual Deodorant

Ernest notes that this "Splash it All Over" method has been exported globally by those who find the reality of sin too "unpleasant" for a modern audience:

• The Alpha Course: Often treats sin as "the rubbish that clutters our lives." It’s a non-threatening Gospel that smells like a dinner party. It avoids the sharp, cleansing salt of conviction in favor of a pleasant, social fragrance.

• Rick Warren & Joel Osteen: The masters of the "Best Life Now" rubbish. They’ve replaced the "Old Rugged Cross" with a "Purpose Driven" performance enhancer. It’s a Gospel that promises the favor of God (the splash) without mentioning the repentance required to be clean.

Conclusion — Put Wood in t’Hole

The problem with the Deodorant Doctrine is that it assumes the "unpleasantness" of our condition is merely a PR problem to be managed. But Ernest points out that Bonhoeffer’s Costly Grace is "the door at which a man must knock." You don't get through that door by splashing yourself with the perfume of "good intentions."

Frank and Ernest are watching to see if the church will stop reaching for the spray can. As Bonhoeffer famously wrote:

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."

Why true repentance is a surgical, doctrinal "cleaning," not a superficial spray, visit our main page on true revival.

[Read: The Josiah Blueprint – Why Doctrine is the Bedrock of Reformation]

Dispatch — Paywalls and Paperwork

Frank is squinting at his old Nokia phone, looking proper flummoxed. Ernest is sat opposite, knuckling down to work on a small ledger.

Frank: "Nar'n, Ernest. I’ve just had an email from a lad sayin' he’s got a 'Fresh Word' from t' Almighty for April. But when I clicked on it, it told me I needed to sign up for t' 'Platinum Tier' at twelve quid a month to see t' rest of it. Since when did t' Holy Spirit start chargin' for a Wi-Fi connection?"

Ernest: (Not looking up) "It’s nobbut 'Prophetic DLC,' Frank. They think t' Word of God is like a Netflix subscription—if tha doesn't pay thi' brass, t' screen goes dark. They’ve turned t' 'Free Gift' into a 'Pay-Per-View' pippy show. It’s simony dressed up like a dog's dinner."

Frank: "Twelve quid! For that much, I could buy a reight good sack o' spuds and 'appen have enough change for a snek-lifter at t' pub. He says it’s 'Anointed Content.' I reckon it’s just rammel he’s sammed up from t' back o' someone else’s sermon."

Ernest: "Aye, and it gets worse. I heard tell of a parson demandin' to see folks' tax returns before he’d offer 'em 'spiritual covering.' He wants to audit thi' tithing like he’s t' Internal Religious Service. He’s checkin' if tha bought name-brand teabags instead o' givin' t' difference to his 'mountain-climbing' fund."

(Referencing: Pastor Told His Church to Bring Their Tax Returns…)

Frank: (Chuckling) "He’d have a reight job wi' me, Ernest. I’d say sling yer hook! If I want someone ganderin' at my brass, I’ll talk to t' bank, not some barmpot in a glittery pulpit. Imagine 'im checkin' thi' bins to see if tha's been unfaithful wi' a pork pie!"

Ernest: "It’s t' same old story, Frank. They want to be t' gaffer of thi' soul and thi' wallet. They’ve forgotten that t' only 'Courtroom of Heaven' that matters had t' debt paid in full two thousand years ago. No subscription needed, no tax return required. Just a broken heart and a reight spirit."

The Amos Link — The Ministry of the Pierced Fig

This is what a reight Spirit and a broken heart look like: why true ripening costs more.

The Kidron / Josiah Link

You don't need the prophetic over a Wi-Fi connection. Get plugged in to the source!

[Read: The Josiah Blueprint: Crossing the Kidron – Real Repentance vs. Religious Subscriptions]

https://youtu.be/3tLV65fuJRk?si=ExkPjhFgpj1e6mlz

We have been examining the celestial warehouse

Frank & Ernest — joint dispatch-

A Report on Heavenly Organ Procurement, Greek Goddesses, and the Apostolic Floor Plan of Mozambique

Ernest has been delvin' into the facts. In 1996, a missionary named Heidi Baker visited Toronto, was rendered "jiggered" (physically incapacitated) for seven days, and received a mandate for Mozambique. We have no reason to doubt that something happened. We have several questions about what it was.

Frank notes, with characteristic economy, that the Apostle Paul was also caught up in t’ third heaven. He heard things "inexpressible." He didn't come back with a floor plan or a list of rammel to "download."

The Body Parts Room — A Summary

Mrs Baker's most celebrated heavenly account involves a warehouse in the celestial realm — a literal storage facility in t’ third heaven containing perfected human organs and limbs: eyes, ears, legs, and presumably other components the catalogue does not specify. These parts, she teaches, can be "downloaded" or "decreed" into the physical bodies of the sick on earth.

Ernest spent some time with this. He has read his Bible carefully. He finds no warehouse. He finds no download function. He finds the resurrection of the body, which is a rather different proposition and does not require an apostolic intermediary with Wi-Fi access to Olympus. He finds, in short, a duck in t' hedge.

Frank's response to the Body Parts Room was briefer. "If there's a warehouse full of spare kidneys in t’ third heaven," he said, setting down his cup, "I'd like to know why the Almighty is waiting for somebody to decree 'em out rather than just gettin' on with it. 'Appen He's waitin' for a gaffer who knows what they're doin'?"

Ernest said this was perhaps a little "brussen." Frank said it were because the original idea was a "pippy show"—a total disappointment to the intelligence of the average pew-sitter. They are both right, which is how it usually goes.

"Paul came back from heaven and said he couldn't talk about it. She came back with a floor plan and a procurement system. One of these is more consistent with the biblical pattern, and it isn't the one with the warehouse." — Frank's Field Notes (undated)

The Matter of Iris Global

We turn now to the matter of the name: Iris Global. The ministry's official position is that the name refers to the rainbow of Genesis 9 — the covenant sign between God and Noah. This is entirely possible. It is also the case that in Greek mythology, Iris is the goddess who alone could travel between the heavens, the earth, and the underworld, acting as the messenger who brought divine things down to the mortal realm.

Ernest found this parallel somewhat uncomfortable. Not because he believes for a moment that the founders of Iris Global sat down and said "let us name our ministry after a pagan deity" — he does not believe that, and charity requires we say so plainly. What he finds uncomfortable is the degree to which the functional theology of the ministry — the apostle who travels to heavenly places to bring back divine goods for earthly distribution — mirrors the mythological role so precisely that one begins to wonder whether the ancient archetype has found its way in through t’ back winder, togged up to chelping revival.

A Note on the Toronto Connection

Mrs Baker has remained a keynote speaker at Catch the Fire conferences for thirty years — a loyalty we note without particular surprise. The Toronto Blessing produced many things: laughter, shaking, falling, barking, and a significant number of ministries built on the idea that what happened in Toronto in 1994 was the new Pentecost.

Ernest observes that the original Pentecost produced a church that turned the Roman Empire upside down within three centuries. He is still waiting to see what good fruit Toronto produces after all the faffing. Frank says he's not holding his breath. Ernest says that is perhaps uncharitable. Frank says thirty years is a fair t'middlin' amount of time.

The Bottom Line

We close where we began — with the facts as stated. Heidi Baker works among the desperately poor in Mozambique. That work is real and it is costly and it deserves acknowledgement. The Gospel, however, does not improve by the addition of celestial warehouses, interdimensional organ retrieval, or a ministry name that doubles as a Greek messenger goddess. The work would be no less genuine without the mystical apparatus. It would, in fact, be considerably more credible.

It is, as the researchers rather delicately put it, closer to ancient shamanic "dismemberment and reconstruction" mythology than to anything the Apostles preached. And they should know. They preached it without fog machines, without a warehouse, and without a floor plan.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ requires no warehouse in the third heaven, no apostolic courier service, and no Greek goddess to carry the freight. It requires a cross, an empty tomb, and the plain preaching of the Word. There's nowt else to add. And as Frank would say — owt else is a duck in t' hedge.

The prophet who got his upgrade from Facebook

Frank & Ernest — joint dispatch

On Shawn Bolz, the Searchable Graph, and the Most Convenient Anointing in the History of the Charismatic Movement

In January of 2013, Facebook introduced a new feature called Graph Search. For the first time, you could search the platform by name, by location, by relationship, by hashtag. You could find out who was attending an event, pull up a person's about tab, scroll through their photographs, connect their family members, and discover their birthday, their street address, their pet's name, and the name of their recently deceased mother — all from the comfort of your hotel room.

Also in 2013, a charismatic prophet named Shawn Bolz received what he described as a "prophetic upgrade." Suddenly, he could do things he had never done before. He could tell strangers their birthday. Their street address. Their pet's name. The name of their recently deceased mother. All apparently from the comfort of his hotel room, where — according to former employees — he spent a great deal of time, though not in the manner one might hope.

Frank considered these two facts for approximately four seconds before reaching his conclusion. Ernest took considerably longer, being a thorough man, but arrived at the same place.

What Shawn Bolz Actually Said About His Upgrade

"In 2013, I received one of these upgrades. I started to get birth dates and anniversary dates of strangers... I began to hear where people went to school and the types of careers they had, almost like it was information on their About tab. I had visions of significant moments in their lives, almost like he was scrolling through people's photographs." — Shawn Bolz, Sid Roth newsletter, September 2016 (since deleted)

"Almost like it was information on their About tab. Almost like he was scrolling through people's photographs."

We have read these words carefully. We have read them again. We note that Shawn Bolz, in describing the supernatural gifts of the Holy Spirit, reached instinctively for the metaphor of a man browsing Facebook. Ernest finds this theologically significant. Frank finds it hilarious. They are, for once, both correct simultaneously.

"The Apostles received their upgrade at Pentecost. Shawn Bolz received his when Facebook became searchable. I am not saying these are equivalent events. I am saying one of them is better documented." — Frank's Field Notes

For those unfamiliar with the rise of Shawn Bolz, here is a brief summary. He would attend conferences — often large ones, often with several thousand people present — and call individuals out of the crowd by name. He would tell them their birthday, their street address, the name of a deceased relative, the name of their dog. The crowd would gasp. People would weep. He would look appropriately humble and surprised, as though the information had arrived unbidden from the throne of heaven rather than from a hotel room Wi-Fi connection and thirty minutes of preparation.

Researchers who went back through the footage noted certain patterns. When he mispronounced an unusual name — as though reading it rather than hearing it spoken — he would cover smoothly and move on. When he called out a Facebook username rather than a real name, he would style it as a pet name or nickname until corrected. When he attempted to give a street address from memory and got the wrong house number, he would say he felt led to suggest people research it themselves. In one remarkable instance, he announced the address 105 Slaughterhouse Road for a woman named Doris Rhodes — which turned out to be the address of a different Doris Rhodes who lived in the same region and whose information was publicly available online. He had, in short, found the wrong Doris.

Ernest spent some time with the wrong Doris. He finds it the most theologically instructive moment in the entire affair. The God of Scripture, he notes, who numbers the hairs of our heads and knows us before we are formed in the womb, does not get the wrong Doris. He does not confuse two elderly women in the same postcode and have to suggest that perhaps his prophet look into it a bit further. An omniscient God retrieving information about Doris Rhodes does not require a second search.

The Platforming — A Partial List

Before the evidence became undeniable, Shawn Bolz was endorsed and platformed by Bill Johnson of Bethel Church — who introduced him publicly as "one of our most trusted friends"; Kris Vallotton, also of Bethel; Sid Roth, who declared him the most detailed prophet he had ever encountered; the Hickey ministry; CBN; the 700 Club; TBN, where he hosted his own programme; Fox News, who ran his prophetic word that coronavirus would end imminently; and a substantial number of other leaders whose names appear in the acknowledgements of his book, including several who have since quietly removed all evidence of the connection from their websites.

Frank notes that when a man is simultaneously endorsed by Bethel Church, TBN, Fox News, and the 700 Club, one of two things is true. Either God is doing something remarkable. Or something else entirely is doing something rather predictable.

What makes this more than a story about one dishonest man — and it is that, it is certainly that — is what happened when the leaders found out. Because they did find out. They found out in 2016, when public articles appeared documenting the data mining. They found out through their own internal investigations. They found out through the testimony of victims who came to them directly. Kris Vallotton of Bethel flew personally to confront Bolz, described him privately as a deceiver he would never trust again, told his team not to work with him, had his books removed from the church bookstore, and then — when Bill Johnson went on TBN in 2023 to endorse Bolz and his book — said nothing publicly whatsoever.

The text messages between Vallotton and one of Bolz's victims — subsequently confirmed as authentic by Bethel's own public statement — show a man who knew, who acted privately, and who then told the victim, when pushed for a public statement:

"At this point, we don't intend to make a public statement about Shawn. As you pointed out, a public statement wouldn't just hurt Shawn, but the entire prophetic ministry worldwide."

Ernest read that sentence three times. He then put his Bible down, which he almost never does, and stared at the wall for a moment. The reasoning being offered was this: exposing a false prophet who had deceived and manipulated thousands of people would damage the prophetic ministry. Ernest has read his Jeremiah. He is aware that God had a different view on the matter. God sent Jeremiah specifically to expose the prophets who prophesied the desires of their own hearts and called it divine revelation. God did not worry that this would damage the prophetic ministry. God worried (if at all possible) that the prophetic ministry was already damaged, and that someone needed to say so.

"He wer frightened that calling out t' false prophet would hurt t' prophetic movement. It's a bit like being frightened that calling out t' fire will hurt t' fire brigade." — Frank, over his second brew

There is a woman named Jubilee Dawn who married a man because Shawn Bolz told her, in front of a crowd, that God was giving her to him. The man's interest in her had been available on Facebook. Her name — Jubilee — had been mentioned to Bolz the previous day. The restaurant where she worked appeared on her public profile. Bolz was, in the language of conjurors, hot reading. He was cold-calling what he already knew. And the result was that Jubilee Dawn spent four years in an abusive marriage, was strangled twice, and did not leave because she believed God himself had ordained the union through his prophet. She did not leave after the first strangling. She left after the second, when she could not swallow without pain for ten days.

Bethel Church knew Shawn Bolz was a fraud before Jubilee Dawn married that man. They knew. They did not tell her. They did not tell anyone. They quietly removed his books from their bookstore and waited for the noise to die down.

Frank has nothing witty to say about Jubilee Dawn. Neither has Ernest. They are in agreement that some things are beyond the range of satire, and this is one of them. She nearly died. She is alive. She has found healing, at least in part, through knowing the truth. The leaders who could have given her the truth years earlier chose not to because it would hurt the movement.

Conclusion

We close with a note on the upgrade. Shawn Bolz told Sid Roth that his prophetic gift was activated by the Holy Spirit in 2013. Former employees say he never prayed privately. Never opened his Bible. Played video games in his hotel room before conferences and told attendees afterwards that the words had come from God in his room that very morning. He asked for church Wi-Fi passwords in order to access attendee registration lists. He got the wrong Doris.

Facebook Graph Search was released in beta on January 15th, 2013. Shawn Bolz received his prophetic upgrade in 2013. We are not saying these things are connected. We are saying that if they are not connected, then God chose to supercharge his prophet's word of knowledge gift at the precise moment a social media search tool became available that would make the whole enterprise considerably easier to fake. And if that is the case — tha's got a duck in t' hedge.

Frank & Ernest — joint dispatch

On Hamburger Helper, and the theology of tolerating what you know to be false

Initial Mention [55:30]: Mike Winger plays a clip where leadership admits that a significant portion of physical manifestations (shaking, falling, etc.) are "fake" or "soulish" rather than from the Holy Spirit.

Framework Discussion [04:27:40]: The "Hamburger Helper" analogy is revisited, describing the practice of adding human "flavoring" or dramatization to a small amount of genuine spiritual activity to make it more "palatable" for a crowd.

Data Mining: Evidence is presented suggesting Boltz used "graph search" and social media (Facebook) to find specific details about audience members—such as birthdays, addresses, and pet names—and then presented them as "words of knowledge" from God [01:31:16].

Sexual Harassment: Winger interviews three former employees who allege a pattern of sexual harassment and "doineering" behavior by Boltz, involving unwanted nudity and sexual acts in hotel rooms and cars [01:41:05]

.6. The "Cover-up Culture"

Winger criticizes Bethel’s leadership (Bill Johnson, Chris Vallotton) for what he calls "cover-up culture." He presents text messages and recordings suggesting that while leaders were aware of the allegations and believed them to be true privately, they continued to endorse Boltz publicly or simply remained silent [02:09:14].

Source Video: The skeletons in Bethel's closet are now going to speak - Mike Winger

Being an Earnest Inquiry into How a Movement Persuaded Itself That a Percentage of Fraud Was Not Only Acceptable, But Spiritually Necessary

There is a product sold in America called Hamburger Helper. It is a powdered sauce mixture designed to be added to minced beef in order to stretch a small amount of meat into a larger meal. It does not improve the meat. It does not replace the meat. It simply makes the meat go further than it otherwise would, at the cost of making the whole dish somewhat less than it could have been. It is, by its own admission, a supplement to the genuine article rather than the genuine article itself.

It is also, apparently, the official theological framework of the Kansas City prophets, the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, and a significant portion of the modern charismatic prophetic movement. We did not invent this metaphor. They did.

What Was Actually Said — In Their Own Words

"I've been watching this 40 years. Most places that I've been, the majority of the manifestations are not caused by the Holy Spirit... I will allow a whole lot of Hamburger Helper to allow the genuine to take place. I won't promote it, but I will allow it because the genuine is so important to the kingdom of God." — Senior charismatic leader, recorded statement

"The theory was that my dad was 90% prophetic and 10% was this Hamburger Helper. That was a term Bob Jones used, Mike Bickle used... the idea of adding a little flavour to the meat to make it a more complete meal." — Jedidiah Hartley, son of charismatic leader Bob Hartley (Interview on the Mike Winger YouTube channel)

Ernest would like to begin with a question. At what point in the history of the Christian church did it become acceptable to knowingly incorporate falsehood into the worship of the Jesus who describes himself as the Way, the Truth, and the Life — on the grounds that the falsehood makes the truth go further?

Ernest has read the Old Testament prophets. He has read the New Testament. He has read the early fathers and the Reformers and a great deal else besides. He cannot find this principle anywhere. What he can find, in considerable abundance, is the opposite principle — that God takes a particularly dim view of those who speak in his name things he has not spoken.

Frank's response was shorter. "If tha knows it's fake and tha allows it anyway, tha's not off t’ thoil Hamburger Helper. Tha's lying. There's no fancy name for it."

Both responses are correct. Ernest's is more carefully reasoned. Frank's is more immediately useful. We offer both.

"The toleration of the fake is the undermining of the real. You cannot build a house on a foundation of which you know forty percent to be sand, and then tell yourself the sixty percent of stone makes it sound." — Ernest's notebook, following several hours of reading

The Doctrine Defined

Let us be precise about what the Hamburger Helper doctrine actually states, because it deserves to be stated plainly rather than left to flourish in the comfortable vagueness of charismatic conference culture.

The doctrine holds that in any gathering where the Holy Spirit is genuinely moving, a proportion of what appears to be supernatural manifestation will in fact be human manufacture — people faking tongues, faking prophecy, faking healings, faking being slain in the spirit — and that this is not only tolerable but in some formulations actually helpful, because it creates an atmosphere in which the genuine is more likely to occur. The fake, in this framework, is not a problem to be addressed. It is an ingredient.

Ernest would like the reader to sit with that for a moment. The argument being advanced is that God — the omnipotent creator of all things, who raised the dead and parted seas and spoke worlds into existence — requires an atmosphere of human fakery in order to operate most effectively. That the Holy Spirit, who moved upon the face of the deep, is somehow better able to manifest genuine gifts in a room where people are simultaneously pretending to have gifts they do not have. That the third person of the Trinity works best, in short, when surrounded by religious performance art.

Frank suggests this says considerably more about the doctrine than it does about the Holy Spirit.

What the Hamburger Helper Doctrine Actually Produces

It produces an environment in which discernment is actively discouraged, because discernment disrupts the atmosphere. It produces congregations trained to be receptive rather than testing — primed, as one victim described it, so thoroughly that she could not have disbelieved even if she had tried. It produces a culture in which the leaders who know most about what is real and what is fake are the last people who will tell you, because telling you would require admitting how much they have knowingly allowed.

It produces, specifically, the conditions in which a man like Shawn Bolz could be elevated to the status of the wonder-boy prophet of a generation, platformed before hundreds of thousands of people, and allowed to operate for over a decade — because in a culture already comfortable with a proportion of fakery, one more faker is simply a matter of degree. The question the leaders asked was not "is this real?" The question was "is this too fake?" And the answer, for years, was apparently no.

It produces Jubilee Dawn. It produces the man who lost his retirement savings on the strength of a word of knowledge harvested from his Facebook page. It produces the young woman who watched the video of Shawn Bolz counselling his audience on how to deal with abusive leaders, recognised her abuser's face, and experienced what she described as a breaking point. It produces Mike Bickle's seventeen victims. It produces the attempts to raise a dead child from a cold mortuary table while her parents wept and the worship band played on.

We want to be careful here, because this is the point at which Frank and Ernest part company slightly and it is important to say so. Frank's view is that the Hamburger Helper doctrine is straightforwardly wicked — that knowingly tolerating falsehood in the name of God is a species of blasphemy, and that no quantity of genuine manifestation can sanctify it.

Ernest agrees with this entirely, but adds a pastoral note. He has spoken to people who were in these movements and who were not, themselves, faking anything. People who genuinely sought the Lord, genuinely prayed, genuinely believed, and were genuinely deceived — not by their own dishonesty, but by a culture constructed around them by leaders who knew better. These people are not villains. They are victims of a theology that told them not to ask questions, and then used their trust to insulate the questioners from accountability.

The Scriptural Standard

The scripture that governs this piece is 1 Timothy 5:19–20, which the charismatic leadership knows well enough to quote the first half of — "do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses" — and consistently fails to complete: "As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear."

Not in the presence of your inner circle. Not in a carefully worded letter to alumni. In the presence of all. The publicity of the rebuke is not incidental. It is the point. It is what protects the next Jubilee Dawn.

"They quoted t’ first half of t’ verse for years to protect their elders from criticism. T’ second half says rebuke them in front of everybody. Scripture doesn't do halves. Neither should they." — Frank, with some feeling

There is a further implication of the Hamburger Helper doctrine that has not yet been fully reckoned with, and Ernest feels it must be named. If the leaders of these movements have for decades knowingly tolerated a proportion of fake prophecy, fake healing, and fake manifestation — if this is, as the testimony suggests, standard practice across multiple major ministries — then the question must be asked of every verified miracle, every authenticated healing, every confirmed prophecy that these movements have used to establish their credibility: how much of it was the meat, and how much was the Helper?

We do not ask this to be cruel. We ask it because the leaders themselves introduced the metaphor, and having introduced it, they must live with its implications. If you tell us you have been knowingly adding powder to the dish for forty years, you cannot then be surprised when we ask how the meal actually tastes.

Conclusion

We close with what we believe. We believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. We believe God heals. We believe God speaks. We believe prophecy is real, that tongues are real, that the Spirit moves in ways that confound the merely rational. We believe these things precisely because we take Scripture seriously — and Scripture does not merely permit these gifts, it regulates them, tests them, and holds those who claim them to a standard of accountability that the Hamburger Helper doctrine has spent forty years systematically dismantling.

The real gifts of the Spirit do not need the fake ones to create an atmosphere in which they can operate. They are the gifts of God Almighty. He does not need your powder. And when a movement tells you he does — tha's got a duck in t' hedge. And it's been there a long time.

Show us thee toes

Frank & Ernest — joint dispatch

On Bill Johnson, Three Allegedly Regrown Toes, a Doctor Who Apparently Confirmed Them, and the Curious Reluctance of Everyone Involved to Simply Show Us the Toes

We are going to keep this one brief. Not because the subject is trivial — it is not — but because the argument is so simple that elaborating upon it at length would itself become a kind of absurdity. The argument is this: if three toes grew back overnight, show us the toes.

Here, as plainly as we can state it, is what was claimed. Bill Johnson, senior pastor of Bethel Church in Redding, California — one of the most influential charismatic churches in the English-speaking world — attended James River Church in Springfield, Missouri. He taught on creative miracles. A woman in the congregation, who had previously had three toes amputated following a shooting, received prayer. Over the following thirty minutes, and then continuing overnight, her three amputated toes — bone, flesh, skin, and by morning the toenails — grew back completely. A medical doctor, described as the husband of the woman who had prayed for her, examined the foot and confirmed the miracle.

Bill Johnson returned to Bethel and told his congregation about this. The video remains on Bethel's YouTube channel. John Lindell, pastor of James River Church, told his own congregation about it. He assured them he had personally seen photographs of the toes. He said, with some emphasis: "It's real. It's real. It's real."

The woman herself made a video about her experience. She described seeing the toes forming. She said she could stand on her tiptoes, which she could not do before. She did not, in the video, remove her shoe and sock and show anyone her foot.

People on the internet asked to see the toes. A website was created called ShowMeTheToes.com. The request was, we submit, entirely reasonable. Three human toes growing back overnight — bone wrapped in flesh, skin forming, toenails developing by morning — would be, if true, one of the most significant medical and theological events in modern history. It would be the kind of thing that renders all scepticism permanently obsolete. It would be documented, verified, published, and celebrated as the vindication of everything Bethel has ever claimed. Showing the toes would cost nothing and prove everything.

What John Lindell Actually Said When Asked to Show the Toes

"How many miracles do you have to see before you believe? There are some of you — you've heard miracle after miracle after miracle — and you're still sitting there saying, 'Well, I just don't know. I've got to see the toes.' I'm going to tell you what — see the toes all you want, you're still not going to believe." — John Lindell, James River Church

"I'm less interested in proving to people what I know God did than I am in protecting sheep who are vulnerable." — John Lindell (same context)

Ernest would like to address the "protecting the sheep" argument first, because he takes pastoral care seriously and wants to be fair. The woman in question had already been publicly identified. Her face had been shown. Her testimony had been broadcast. Her name was known. The internet was already discussing her, investigating her, and in some cases bothering her — precisely because the miracle had been proclaimed so publicly and the evidence had not been provided. The one thing that would have settled the matter, vindicated her, silenced her critics, and protected her from further intrusion was the thing that was withheld. The protection argument, Ernest concludes with some sorrow, is not a pastoral position. It is a rhetorical one.

Frank would like to address the "unbelief" argument. John Lindell told his congregation that people who asked for evidence were doing so because of unbelief, and that unbelief never has enough proof. This is a clever move, and Frank has seen it before. It works by reclassifying the request for evidence as a spiritual deficiency rather than a reasonable question, so that anyone who continues to ask has thereby demonstrated that they are not the sort of person whose questions deserve answering.

Frank notes that this argument, if applied consistently, would have prevented the early church from examining any of the resurrection appearances, would have made Thomas permanently ineligible for a response, and would render the entire evidential tradition of Christian apologetics not merely unnecessary but actively sinful.

"Thomas said 'show me t' hands and t' side.' Our Lord showed him t' hands and t' side. He didn't tell Thomas he had a spirit of unbelief and suggest he examine his heart. He showed him. If three toes grew back, show us t' toes. Thomas became one of t' greatest witnesses the church ever had." — Frank, with rather more theology than usual

The woman eventually posted photographs of her own foot on social media, apparently wishing to demonstrate the miracle herself. Researchers who compared these photographs with earlier images available on her Facebook page found no visible difference. Three toes with significant amputation damage in the before pictures. Three toes with significant amputation damage in the after pictures. No new bone. No new flesh. No toenails formed overnight.

John Lindell had told his congregation he had personally seen photographs proving it was real. Either he had seen different photographs from the ones that were subsequently posted, or he had seen the same photographs and described them differently to his congregation. We leave the reader to consider which of these possibilities is more troubling.

Bill Johnson's account of this miracle, including the detail of the doctor's confirmation, remains on Bethel's YouTube channel as of the time of writing. It has not been retracted, qualified, or corrected.

A Note on the Doctor

Bill Johnson stated that the husband of the woman who had prayed for the miracle was a medical doctor, and that he had examined the foot and confirmed the toes. No doctor has come forward publicly to confirm this. No medical documentation has been produced. No name has been given. The doctor, like the toes, has not been shown.

Frank observes that in any other field of human endeavour — law, medicine, journalism, science — an anonymous, unverifiable expert confirmation would be considered no confirmation at all.

Ernest observes that when Jesus healed blind Bartimaeus, He did not ask him to keep it quiet. The healed man was himself the evidence. He went about telling everyone. Nobody told him he needed to protect himself from people with a spirit of unbelief.

Conclusion

We want to say one thing clearly before we close. We are not saying this woman was not genuinely ill. We are not saying she was lying. We are not saying she did not experience something she believed to be a miracle, or that she was not sincerely seeking God. We are saying that the leaders of very large and influential churches made very large and public claims about a very specific miracle, declined to provide the very simple evidence that would verify those claims, and then told the people who asked for it that asking was a sign of spiritual deficiency.

This matters for one reason above all others. Bethel Church has for years proclaimed itself a place of genuine signs and wonders — a centre of authentic miraculous ministry. Thousands of people have moved to Redding, spent significant money on the School of Supernatural Ministry, rearranged their lives, and directed their faith based on that proclamation. If the toes did not grow back, and the leaders knew the toes did not grow back, and the video stays up anyway — then every other miracle claim from the same source requires the same question.

God does miracles. The Bible records them. Church history records them. We have no interest in denying them. What we have every interest in is the distinction between a miracle and a claim of a miracle — because that distinction is not scepticism. It is discernment. And discernment, as we have noted before, is the one gift the charismatic movement appears most reluctant to exercise.

Three toes. Grown back overnight. Bone, flesh, skin, and toenails by morning. Confirmed by a doctor. Documented by a video that remains publicly available. And nobody, in all the years since, has simply shown us the toes. If the miracle happened — show us the toes. If the miracle cannot be shown — tha's got a duck in t' hedge. And it's wearing very peculiar footwear.

mark@doctrinematters.co.uk

Doctrine Matters

Jeremiah 6:16

“Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.”

King James Version